I really don't have anything important to say.

Like Thomas I refused to believe until I could see,

And when you showed me your hand,

I ran in fear from your blood on me (It’s all over me).

I know I can’t change the truth,

But after all these years I’ve had time to practice my deceitful performance.

I hate to disappoint,

But that’s all I’m really good for.

I betrayed myself for a couple of coins,

Knowing I couldn’t save anything (especially myself).

And while you were dieing,

Taking your last,

I wasn’t the one asking to go with you.

Because I was scared (I’m really scared).

Forgive me, for I know what I do to you.

I’m a tragic metaphor to death,

Just not to myself, or anything that rescues.

It took three days for the dust to settle,

But I still can’t see where I’m going,

And this bondage has started to feel good.

I mean, it’s what I deserve.

So hand me my millstone, and I’ll be one my way to the nearest lake (You should’ve let me drown).

What an amazing grace I should have been left out of.

My eyes were opened, and I soon wondered back to the dark.

The crow has crowed three times,

But I’ve already denied you seven.

And I am no rock to build anything on.

So why won’t your blood wash off?

Because really, I am not one you can depend on.

And when the darkness surrounds as I am down and out,

With two minutes to go until my heart implodes from weakness,

I can’t say I’ll stay and let you be my strength.

I’m not at all easy to hold onto,

So why fool ourselves into believing I’m worth anything to all…

All these candles have gone out around me,

And I know my light is too insignificant to stand up this monumental dark.

I can’t see past this Goliath of a problem,

And I’m lost on the frontlines of this battle.

An enemy behind private lines; dressed in your colors.

But I’ve forgotten what I’m fighting for, and will be just another casualty.

 

My heart is no place for someone like you to live.

All I have are these arteries clogged from all I’ve done (and I’ve done it all).

I’m weary and am in need of rest,

But I’m afraid my burdens are just a little too heavy for you to carry.

And I know I am good at running,

But it feels so bad to be alone.

And if you promise to save, then please save.

Because I do not wish to be the bearer of any such mark (I am not the keeper of myself).

And we both know I’m scared of everything you have given me,

But I’m scared of giving up…

Cause I’ve given up and it hurts.

So if you let me, I’ll take it back and wait to be found.