I really don't have anything important to say.

Have you ever had one of those moments when you stoped and realized that life is happening, and it's almost like it is passing you by? I'm not so sure why, but ever since yesturday, it's been like, wow ari, things have changed... what happened? You've changed, ari. When did this happen? How come I've missed it?

I had STAR testing today, and as I sat in math class waiting for everyone to complete the test(I hate math), I plugged in and turned up. I got lost in my ipod <3 and just thought. Truly thought. I contemplated who I am and why God made me this way. I was so deeply lost in why I thought that way I do, and why I act the way I act... and why I let things get to me the way they do.

Life is so complicated. I know, thank you captain obvious, right? But lately, I've really been noticing it; just how complex we as a whole really are. I feel like life is going to break me clear into two peices. Would that be a bad thing? Maybe I need to realize that even though I am broken and scarred... that I'm still beautiful in God's eyes.

I don't understand why it is so hard for me to admitt that I believe I am unworthy of being loved. Last night, after the concert... after hearing Moi talk and sing about the unconditional love of God... I just felt like running up to someone, giving them a hug, and crying. I wanted to cry because I hate that I haven't been loving me... I hate that I don't know how to. I never did though... I didn't know who to go to. It was hard. All I wanted to do was loose myself, I wanted to tell someone, but I didn't have the courage.

I started talking to Craig... but for some reason, I couldn't say how I am truly feeling. I just kinda chocked on my own words. The good news? Last night, writing about it... it was a huge release for me. I am proud that I did bring it before God. That took such a great effort! I hate letting people see me when I'm weak... I'm to prideful, and I need to let it go. Going before God and confessing that I'm unhappy with who I am and I just can not understand why anyone would love me...

Well, lets just say that when I came to my senses, something in my heart really did change. Don't get me wrong, it's not like wam, bam, boom, I am all loving and all my problems have gone away, but it's getting easier to deal with. It just helps to know that no matter what, I really do have God on my side, and with Him, I can never lose. That just makes all the difference.

I want to change the world... I guess I'll have to start with myself, huh?

God... I'm yours...