I really don't have anything important to say.

complete madness.

2007/5/2

MLK

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@ 08:06 PM (20 months, 15 days ago)

So I want to turn your attention to this subject: "Loving Your Enemies." It’s so basic to me because it is a part of my basic philosophical and theological orientation—the whole idea of love, the whole philosophy of love. In the fifth chapter of the gospel as recorded by Saint Matthew, we read these very arresting words flowing from the lips of our Lord and Master: "Ye have heard that it has been said, ‘Thou shall
love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy.’ But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them that despitefully use you; that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven."

Certainly these are great words, words lifted to cosmic proportions. And over the centuries, many persons have argued that this is an extremely difficult command. Many would go so far as to say that it just isn’t possible to move out into the actual practice of this glorious command. They would go on to say that this is just additional proof that Jesus was an impractical idealist who never quite came down to
earth. So the arguments abound. But far from being an impractical idealist, Jesus has become the practical realist. The words of this text glitter in our eyes with a new urgency. Far from being the pious injunction of a utopian dreamer, this command is an absolute necessity for the survival of our civilization. Yes, it is love that will save our world and our civilization, love even for enemies.

Now let me hasten to say that Jesus was very serious when he gave this command; he wasn’t playing. He realized that it’s hard to love your enemies. He realized that it’s difficult to love those persons who seek to defeat you, those persons who say evil things about you. He realized that it was painfully hard, pressingly hard. But he wasn’t playing. And we cannot dismiss this passage as just another example of
Oriental hyperbole, just a sort of exaggeration to get over the point. This is a basic philosophy of all that we hear coming from the lips of our Master. Because Jesus wasn’t playing; because he was serious. We have the Christian and moral responsibility to seek to discover the meaning of these words, and to discover how we can live out this command, and why we should live by this command.

Now first let us deal with this question, which is the practical question: How do you go about loving your enemies? I think the first thing is this: In order to love your enemies, you must begin by analyzing self. And I’m sure that seems strange to you, that I start out telling you this morning that you love your enemies by beginning with a look at self. It seems to me that that is the first and foremost way to come to an
adequate discovery to the how of this situation.

Now, I’m aware of the fact that some people will not like you, not because of something you have done to them, but they just won’t like you. I’m quite aware of that. Some people aren’t going to like the way you walk; some people aren’t going to like the way you talk. Some people aren’t going to like you because you can do your job better than they can do theirs. Some people aren’t going to like you because other people like you, and because you’re popular, and because you’re well-liked, they aren’t going to like you. Some people aren’t going to like you because your hair is a little shorter than theirs or your hair is a little longer than theirs. Some people aren’t going to like you because your skin is a little brighter than theirs; and others aren’t going to like you because your skin is a little darker than theirs. So that some people aren’t going to like you. They’re going to dislike you, not because of something that you’ve done to them, but because of various jealous reactions and other reactions that are so prevalent in human nature...

you want to be integrated with yourself, and the way to be integrated with yourself is be sure that you meet every situation of life with an abounding love. Never hate, because it ends up in tragic, neurotic responses. Psychologists and psychiatrists are telling us today that the more we hate, the more we develop guilt feelings and we begin to subconsciously repress or consciously suppress certain emotions, and they all stack up in our subconscious selves and make for tragic, neurotic responses. And may this not be the neuroses of many individuals as they confront life that that is an element of hate there. And modern psychology is calling on us now to love. But long before modern psychology came into being, the world’s greatest psychologist who walked around the hills of Galilee told us to love. He looked at men and said: "Love your enemies; don’t hate anybody." It’s not enough for us to hate your friends because—to to love your friends—because when you start hating anybody, it destroys the very center of your creative response to life and the universe; so love everybody. Hate at any point is a cancer that gnaws away at the very vital center of your life and your existence. It is like eroding acid that eats away the best and the objective center of your life. So Jesus says love, because hate destroys the hater as well as the hated.

Now there is a final reason I think that Jesus says, "Love your enemies." It is this: that love has within it a redemptive power. And there is a power there that eventually transforms individuals. That’s why Jesus says, "Love your enemies." Because if you hate your enemies, you have no way to redeem and to transform your enemies. But if you love your enemies, you will discover that at the very root of love is the
power of redemption. You just keep loving people and keep loving them, even though they’re mistreating you. Here’s the person who is a neighbor, and this person is doing something wrong to you and all of that. Just keep being friendly to that person. Keep loving them. Don’t do anything to embarrass them. Just keep loving them, and they can’t stand it too long. Oh, they react in many ways in the beginning. They react with bitterness because they’re mad because you love them like that. They react with guilt feelings, and sometimes they’ll hate you a little more at that transition period, but just keep loving them. And by the power of your love they will break down under the load. That’s love, you see. It is redemptive, and this is why Jesus says love. There’s something about love that builds up and is creative. There is something about hate that tears down and is destructive. So love your enemies.

inconsistent me, crying out for consistency

@ 07:37 PM (20 months, 15 days ago)

Have you ever had one of those moments when you stoped and realized that life is happening, and it's almost like it is passing you by? I'm not so sure why, but ever since yesturday, it's been like, wow ari, things have changed... what happened? You've changed, ari. When did this happen? How come I've missed it?

I had STAR testing today, and as I sat in math class waiting for everyone to complete the test(I hate math), I plugged in and turned up. I got lost in my ipod <3 and just thought. Truly thought. I contemplated who I am and why God made me this way. I was so deeply lost in why I thought that way I do, and why I act the way I act... and why I let things get to me the way they do.

Life is so complicated. I know, thank you captain obvious, right? But lately, I've really been noticing it; just how complex we as a whole really are. I feel like life is going to break me clear into two peices. Would that be a bad thing? Maybe I need to realize that even though I am broken and scarred... that I'm still beautiful in God's eyes.

I don't understand why it is so hard for me to admitt that I believe I am unworthy of being loved. Last night, after the concert... after hearing Moi talk and sing about the unconditional love of God... I just felt like running up to someone, giving them a hug, and crying. I wanted to cry because I hate that I haven't been loving me... I hate that I don't know how to. I never did though... I didn't know who to go to. It was hard. All I wanted to do was loose myself, I wanted to tell someone, but I didn't have the courage.

I started talking to Craig... but for some reason, I couldn't say how I am truly feeling. I just kinda chocked on my own words. The good news? Last night, writing about it... it was a huge release for me. I am proud that I did bring it before God. That took such a great effort! I hate letting people see me when I'm weak... I'm to prideful, and I need to let it go. Going before God and confessing that I'm unhappy with who I am and I just can not understand why anyone would love me...

Well, lets just say that when I came to my senses, something in my heart really did change. Don't get me wrong, it's not like wam, bam, boom, I am all loving and all my problems have gone away, but it's getting easier to deal with. It just helps to know that no matter what, I really do have God on my side, and with Him, I can never lose. That just makes all the difference.

I want to change the world... I guess I'll have to start with myself, huh?

God... I'm yours...

 

The Cinematics... <3

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@ 07:10 PM (20 months, 15 days ago)

I found my way back home today.

15 years each way,

I think I feel safe.

And when they find I have something to say,

I hope they see straight through me, to what I really mean.

And, yes I feel it in my heart.

And nothing else can make me feel this way...

Here I am, here I am.

I am home.

I think I lost my way somehow, and now I know they way to go.

I thought about it so many times,

But here I am... and I feel fine.

And yes, I feel it in my heart.

And nothing else could make me feel this way.

Oh, here I am. Oh, here I am.

I am home, atlast.

here I am. Oh, here I am.

This barricade, of baracade, it's falling down.

It's falling down.

And nothing can compare to the way that,

to the way that I feel when I am here...

 

2007/5/1

I hope you see straight through me, to what I really mean.

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@ 09:06 PM (20 months, 16 days ago)

My weird mood has ceased to exist, but I think today, something happened.

Moi, seriously one of the best bands ever, came all the way down here to play at my church. It was... stirring, amazing, inspirational? They just have something more, you know? Don't get me wrong, Moi has a beautiful voice, and Daly and Matt and Daly's lil bro (I'm really sorry, but his name just does not ring a bell) are truly musically gifted... but it's not necessarily that which makes them an incredible band... it's their passion for Christ and passion for understanding others that makes them as wonderful as they really are. I feel really blessed that they came out here and shared the evening with me and my church.

It was like having a little peice of Hume when I needed it the most.

Emotionally, there is so much going on right now. I can't even pin point what it is, and why it is effecting me the way it is... but I've been sincerly struggling with who I am and what I am here for... what I am good at.

I have set so many goals for myself, I can't keep track anymore. I've been letting my insecurities control my life, and it has put me at a really low place. I'm so scared of letting everyone down. I'm so afraid of failing. I know I should only be worrying about what it is that He thinks, and how I can please Him, but that is not where my mind set has been. I would by lying if I said I truly have been trying to live up to my full potential in Christ.

I guess you can say that tonight, I had some what of a small epiphany. I have always had trouble with comparing myselfs to others, and letting my insecurities dictate what I do and what I am capable of. Tonight, as Moi was speaking of God's unconditional love, I felt like crying. I felt like trying just breaking myseld open and exposing myself raw before God.

At Hume, I honestly did make the commitment of trusting God completely. Coming back from Hume, for a while, it was easy and I could do it. But as things kept getting hurled at me, and the tests got harder... I began to trip more frequently. I hate it. I hate dissapointing others... but moreover, I just feel horrible when I dissapoint God.

It's so hard to lay down one's pride and realize we're not perfect. My want for perfection is useless and selfish. Who am I helping by constantly worrying about whether or not I am pleasing another? It is an audience of one. I say it all the time... but I really need to start listening to it.

So, I have decided to take life one step at a time. I need to allow God to work on me, on peice at a time, instead of asking that he would change me all at one.

Right now, I really need to work on my ability to love. I need to let people love me. I need to actually believe that I am worth something, that I can be loved, and I should be loved. How am I trusting God if I don't listen to Him when He says I am significant.

It's easy to make up excuses, but it's time to stop lying to myself. No matter how much I have been hurt, or convinced that I am unloveable, well, does that really matter? At the end of the day, I am a creation of God, not the world. I have an all knowing Father that created me uniquely and I need to see the beauty He has created in me.

Maybe this sounds silly, but I think I need to get up in the morning, and as I'm getting ready to start my day, thank God that He made me the way He did. I need to be thankful that I was created in His image and that He loves me even though I am not perfect.

Though this seems like something that should be  extremely obvious, I feel like I just jumped one hurtle that has been thrown in my path. It's some sort of small accomplishment.

-ari

 

p.s. Check out the band The Cinematics. They were an opener for the Mute Math concert I went to and are sooo good. I was listening to their CD while I wrote this =)