I really don't have anything important to say.

Down a ways from existence, a left turn on eternity, there is a cliff I like to run away to and watch the sunset. I drown in the melodic sound of water hitting rock and melt into the floor of my conscience. I was there the other night, lost in my own world.

I feel enclosed. Trapped. Betrayed? No, that's not the right word. I need to get out of here. I'm going insane. I'm ready for life to happen. I'm ready to be on my own. I hate being dependent on people. I'm ready to blossom, but there is something blocking my sun. I feel like my family has me encaged. Is it bad that I wish to be completely independent from my family right now? Oh my, don't get me wrong. I love them all very much. I just feel like they're holding me back. Hm, that sounds a little harsh, as well.

I'm tired of having to play mom to everyone. I'm tired of being the peace keeper. My parents are continually trying to make me there little scholar. They expect intellectual greatness out of me. I can't give them what they desire. I can't be the kind of greatness they want. I'm just not that intelligent. I can't handle the stress, and I'm nearly at my breaking point. Is it possible that I am just being a drama queen? yeah... probably. I just feel like I am capable of doing so much more, so why can't my parents see that. My life isn't in books. I'm not a failure. Or atleast, I don't think I am. Voices and voices swirl around my head yelling to me who I am and what I can do. So much confusion. So much loudness, I'm going to go deaf. Would that be a bad thing?

Maybe they're right. Maybe I can't take on the world...

but I want to try.

I'm waiting for the calm to come after the storm. I'm waiting for clearity. I know they are wrong. I know I am worth more then they say I am. So why do I constantly give into their insults and slander? It's hard not to believe them. They make a convincing argument. I've tried to please them for to long. It sucks... having this feeling that no matter what you do, you will never be quiet what they wanted. Inadequacy. I'm chocking. I need air.

I want them to know me. Truely know me. Maybe that's to much to ask? After all, it's not like I know my parents all that well, either. I don't want to feel like I have to hide myself when I am around them. I want to get away, be on my own. I want to fly.

I'm here for a reason. This emotion, these family problems- they're happening for a reason. Maybe that's all I am sure of at the moment. Maybe all I know is that I'm here, feeling the way I am feeling. But that's a start. I need to be patient.

How funny. Patience seems to be the underlying theme of my life at the moment.